I See You

I was still sunken in my thoughts when I felt the pat on my shoulder. "Mister, do you want to get down? This is the last stop."

"Oh yes Sir. Thank you", I said, as I collected my bag and tried to get up. It was a difficult task though. I couldn't feel the strength in my knees. What could she possibly mean? "I See You". I could hear the words echo in my brain.

I could hear the bus roaring off meddling through the silence of the night, as I started walking from the bus stop. It was pretty late, a little over eleven. I had to stay back late at work today for some unfinished tasks - a friendly gesture to the client. And during the course of the work, I had completely forgotten I had to collect my car from the service station. The guy had called in as a reminder, that the workshop would close by 8. I missed. And that's when I decided to take on the city bus service tonight.

I had never commuted by bus on this route before - from office to home. It naturally took me some time and a little struggle with the native language to identify the right bus. Well, I finally found the right one, I had to chase it a little before I hopped on. My home was some 20 miles away, and so it would have taken around an hour to reach.

The bus was not crowded. It was already late and most of the people must have been home by then - having their dinner, watching television, discussing the day bygone with their beloveds. I took the window seat not very far from the rear exit. I wanted to see how the city looked like from such a height. It had been a while, a couple of years actually since I had last boarded a bus. I preferred driving my car and listening to my music. Music - Yes, it was missing. So I pulled out my IPod from my bag, and tuned it in.

When did she board the bus? Was she sitting right there when I came in? Didn't I notice her? How could I not notice her? I was bewildered as I walked towards home. As it is, I had missed my bus stop, and I would have to walk another mile. It was a spring night. Cool and silent. The winds swept across my face, and I could feel the fresh air. Air filled with the aroma of newly blossomed flowers. I had not had a walk in a long time I realized. I could feel myself today. That I lived. That I was alive.

Yes, I did notice her. When she turned her face towards me, or to look outside the window perhaps. She was sitting two rows ahead of me, across the aisle. She was a familiar face. Like everyone else I had known. Fair. Long straight hair. Black. Combed backwards. A long face, Greek nose, and a small chin. A hint of gloss on her lips. She was wearing a white shirt and a pair of denims. A laptop bag by her side on floor with a slacked sling hanging from her right shoulder mostly suggesting that she was returning from work. Nothing about her was unique. Except her eyes. Her eyes were remarkable. They were big black eyes. Carved out perfectly. And neatly done. Mascara maybe. And they were gleaming - with some unknown energy. Drawing me towards them. I couldn't look away. I was stuck. Then she broke the connection. She looked away. 

I kept on recollecting the events as I walked. A young couple walked past me holding hands. It must have been a post-dinner stroll. They seemed content - happy in each-other's company. I felt glad for them, or did I just miss someone? How long has this longing not been unearthed? Was there someone walking along with me? I looked around. No one. I continued. I didn't want to think about me. It was her baffling me at this moment. Did she have something to say to me? Did she know me? What was her name? Why can't I remember her name? She had turned her face away. So what happened next?

"Faith.", she said, "do you have it?".

"Faith. In what?", I asked.

"In anything. In good maybe."

"Well, I lost it. Long time ago. I believe it doesn't last."

She was silent for sometime. I looked at her in anticipation. She was looking away. Searching for something. I could hear her breathe. Deep, long, heavy breaths.

"And that keeps you unhappy.", she asked.

"At least it doesn't keep me deluded."

"Delusions are good. You can find solace in the present. You can't always find the truth. And even when you do, the truth might be too much to bear. What do you do then? You see, sometimes truth alone does not suffice. Sometimes, the faith needs to be rewarded."

I listened to her in amusement. I used to believe in this. When did I lose it?

"So what keeps you moving?", she interrupted.

I put my hands in my trousers’ pocket as I continued to walk. I could feel something in my right pocket. I took it out. IPod! What was my IPod doing there? I usually keep it in my bag. IPod. Yes, that was it. That's where it started. I remember now. She had turned away, and I had gone back to my music thinking about those black eyes. I wouldn't know how long it must have been but then I felt someone standing next to my seat. I turned left and raised my head. It was her. She moved a strand of hair off her face with her left hand. Her eyes gazing me. I could see her lips moving. But why couldn't I hear her? The music, I realized. I tried to pause it but my fingers would fumble. It took me a while to accomplish the challenge. And then I turned towards her.

"Do you mind if I sit here?", she repeated. It took me a while to reply. "Oh please. Why not!"

I took my bag which was until now occupying the empty seat next to me and moved it to the row in front of me.

"Here. You may as so please." I said.

"Thank you.", she replied, as she sat down gently, while putting down her bag next to mine. It took a couple of moments before she finally settled down. And it took me a little more time to come to terms with whatever was happening around me.

Beautiful she was. And beautiful was the fragrance that draped her. Heart notes of clematis. I have known this fragrance. Where? Who used to wear it? I have known this for sure. But where had it vanished? Where did I feel it before? It was intoxicating, and I was losing myself. Diving into retrospection.

And then I heard the voice again, which brought me back to consciousness.

"How are you?", she asked.

I would not talk. I tried to speak but the words would fall flat. And finally I spoke,

"Not bad. How about you?"

She smiled. "The music. What are you listening to?"

"It's an instrumental piece. By an Argentine."

"Who?"

"He's called Gustavo..".

"Santaolala?", she exclaimed almost interrupting me.

"Yes," I asked with equal excitement, "Have you heard him before?"

She nodded, "He is brilliant I think. Which piece are you listening to?", she queried.

"Well, it's an enduring sad piece. When our wings our cut. That's what it's called."

"Hmmm. I have heard it before, and I really like it. What do you make out of it?". She was looking straight at me.

Silence. I had forgotten the surroundings for some time since she had come in. Until now. The bus was not well-lit. Just a few dim bulbs. The transparent cases covering the bulbs had turned grey with scratches and dust further blocking the light. I looked out of the window. It was dark. The bus sliced through the darkness. The tall trees flanking the roads appeared like giant knights guarding the night. Gruesome and merciless.

"You never answered my question."

"Sorry?", I asked

."Yeah, the music. What do you think of?"

"I feel trapped. I try hard to break free. But I am caged. I cry but my voices can't be heard. I am drowning. But no one comes to rescue. Nobody cares. I am alienated. A feeling of despondency; of longing.  "

"And what is this longing for?" she asked.

"I don't know"

"But it's buried within you, isn't it? Happiness?"

"Maybe. Peace perhaps.", I replied.

"There is more to you than meets the eye.", she said.

I was baffled. "What do you mean?"

"You already know the answer."

"I don't.", I was still surprised.

"That happiness or peace cannot be sought after. It comes along.". She was calm.

"And what do you propose?". I was being sarcastic.

She held her calm, unperturbed by the words of sarcasm. "I don't. Nothing. It's what I believe."

"What?", I was curious.

She let that go unheard. "Faith. Do you have it?", she asked.

And there I was. Walking towards my home. Or had I lost my way? It did not seem to bother me. I continued to take my steps towards the unknown. In the dark. I looked at the sky. The moon could not be sighted. Yet the sky was beautiful. A clear sky. And thousands of stars. Glittering. Silent yet smiling. How far can they be and yet they can accompany you - in the loneliest moments. "This is what companionship is about", I thought to myself. I felt connected.

"So what keeps you moving?", her thoughts reverberated through my mind.. 

There was a pause. I did not know. I had not thought about it. For a long time. I was living an unconscious life. I had given up - to my family, to the society, to everyone around me, to myself. I was not steering my life. I no more waded through the water. I flowed with the current.

"You see, there has to be something that drives you. Anything. Anything at all.", she continued, " There has to be a meaning to your life. You need not search for the answer. You have to find the question. And that lies engraved within you."

"I believe I had known it. I somehow lost it somewhere.", I felt a tear roll down my right eye, as I said this. I turned towards the window to hide it.

"You never lost it.", I felt her hand on my left shoulder. "You just lost the path. You need to get back."

And as I turned my eyes towards her hand, I noticed the shining ring on her ring finger.  

"So you are married?", I asked.

"Does it matter?", she replied.

"Engaged?", I was anxious.

"The answer remains the same.", she smiled.

"You at least have a name, right?", I continued bewildered.

"Would that help?", she asked.

"Still...", I did not know what to say. .

"Let's just say my name is Inoo. If at all, it helps."

"I know that name.", I remarked.

"That's my stop. I'd better get down."

"Wait," I exclaimed, "Will I ever see you again?"

"It doesn't matter." She smiled as I looked at her with astonishment.

"I See You."

She got down.

I would have got down as well, had I been left with some reflex to react. But I was numb. By the time, I gathered myself back, the bus was speeding away. I tried to look behind in the dark. But it was too late.

I had reached my apartment. The watchman came over. "Oh, it's you Sir. Pretty late?"

"Yeah. I was just stuck with some work.”, I replied as I walked towards the stairs.

"A girl came in looking for you about an hour back.", he said. I stopped.

"A friend?", I queried.

"No Sir," he said, " Never seen her before."

"What did she look like?", I interrogated.

"I didn't notice well Sir, but those eyes. I can't forget them. They were remarkable Sir."

"Never Mind". I said. It took me a while before I could go up the stairs.

****************************************************************************

.